Raising Good Humans by Hunter Clarke-Fields
🟢 CSR-2: Suitable for Most Children, Some Hard Topics
⚠️ CW: None ✔
This book is suitable for all parents and caregivers, including new or expecting parents. While it addresses stress, shame, and emotional regulation, it does so in a gentle, constructive, and accessible way without graphic or distressing content.
📖 Introduction & Why This Book Matters
Raising Good Humans isn't your typical parenting manual—it's a healing journey disguised as a book. As a Millennial parent raised under a drastically different paradigm—I found this work to be both revolutionary and deeply necessary.
Rather than prescribing rigid strategies for managing children's behavior, Hunter Clarke-Fields invites readers into a deeply personal exploration of mindful parenting. Her core message resonated with what I've come to believe deeply: the best way to become a better parent is not to "fix" your child—it's to work on yourself. Children reflect the emotional environment we create for them, and Clarke-Fields makes that clear without shame or blame.
What truly sets this book apart is its participatory nature. With reflection prompts and guided exercises like "What is your relationship to your own parenting?", Clarke-Fields makes it clear: this is a workbook for transformation, not just information. It demands your engagement through numerous practical exercises that help rewire reactive, inherited patterns.
In a world that often praises discipline over connection, Clarke-Fields offers a quieter, more powerful alternative: presence. And I found myself highlighting her simple but profound reminder: "Stillness is nourishing."
💡 Key Takeaways & Insights
1. Parenting Is Self-Work First, Always The book crystallized what became my parenting epiphany: the challenges we face with our children often mirror unresolved wounds from our own childhoods. As Clarke-Fields puts it: the thing you're struggling with most as a parent is probably the childhood wound you didn't know you had. Instead of reacting on autopilot—often unconsciously replaying the parenting patterns we received—we're invited to slow down and respond with intention and awareness. This book felt like a healing manual that gave me permission to view frustrating parenting moments as opportunities for personal growth.
2. Mindfulness Isn't Optional—It's Foundational Far from being a trendy wellness buzzword, Clarke-Fields presents mindfulness as the backbone of conscious parenting through practical tools: awareness of your story, self-compassion, processing difficult feelings, problem-solving, and skillful communication. She breaks down these concepts into concrete practices like meditation and breathing techniques that help parents stay present during challenging moments.
3. Threats and Fear Shut Down Growth When we scare our kids into obedience, we activate their fight-or-flight response, shutting down the very learning and connection we hope to foster. The book challenged me to reframe how I interpret conflict with my child—not as defiance, but as unmet needs or nervous system dysregulation. Clarke-Fields advocates "saying what you see" and practicing acknowledgment over labels, meeting children with curiosity instead of control to help them feel safe enough to grow.
4. Collaborative Problem-Solving Creates Win-Wins Instead of making character judgments ("You're so messy"), the book teaches using "I" statements that focus on your experience ("I'm feeling sad I can't enjoy the living room because your toys are on the floor"). Clarke-Fields introduces a revolutionary conflict resolution approach: have everyone write down what they need, brainstorm solutions without immediate evaluation, then eliminate impractical options and agree on a path forward—with a built-in reassessment date when applicable. This approach honors everyone's dignity while teaching children valuable conflict resolution skills.
5. Self-Care as Strategy, Not Luxury Clarke-Fields redefines self-care not as indulgence but as mandatory maintenance: sleep, exercise, meditation, and supportive friendships. Her reminder that “self-care is not selfish” resonated deeply—especially her insight regarding the importance of practicing self-compassion, expressed through a kind inner voice, as it becomes our default when we’re “squeezed” by stress. The book affirms that tending to our inner world isn’t a luxury; it’s the foundation for showing up with patience and clarity for our children.
🤯 Most Interesting or Unexpected Part
One of the most quietly revolutionary insights in this book is the distinction between shame and guilt. Shame, rooted in identity, tells us we are bad. Guilt, rooted in action, tells us something we did was misaligned with our values—and that we can change. In parenting (and life), guilt can be a powerful calibration tool, while shame is a destructive trap. This distinction helped me understand why certain parenting approaches feel so different—some invite growth while others crush the spirit.
The book's gentle tone also conceals its radical stance: Clarke-Fields doesn't just suggest minor tweaks to conventional parenting—she offers a complete paradigm shift. Despite its compassionate delivery, this book doesn't pull punches in challenging mainstream parenting approaches.
🏛️ How This Book Applies to Real Life
Who should read Raising Good Humans?
Millennial parents looking to break intergenerational cycles of reactivity and emotional neglect
Parents of toddlers to teens wanting to parent with intention rather than instinct
Anyone struggling with their own childhood wounds that surface during parenting
Those seeking practical mindfulness tools for daily family life
The book offers concrete strategies for real-life parenting scenarios:
For conflicts: The win-win solution framework where everyone writes down their needs
For heated moments: "I" messages instead of character judgments
For daily chaos: Eight essential mindfulness practices that create a peaceful home
For tantrums: Understanding that when children are in fight-or-flight, they cannot learn or be coached
This book doesn't pretend that parenting is easy—but it does argue that it can be healing. If you're willing to do the inner work, Raising Good Humans will meet you where you are and walk with you toward something better.
📚 Final Rating: Eye-Level Shelf Worthy
🎯 Should you read it? If you're parenting young children and want a compassionate, psychologically grounded approach, absolutely. You'll return to these insights more than once.
🔥 Final Thought: This book doesn't give you scripts. It gives you something better—an internal compass and an invitation to heal. As a parent raised under a drastically different paradigm, I found it both challenging and liberating. Raising Good Humans won't "fix" your kid. But it might just help you show up with enough presence, clarity, and love to become the kind of parent you never knew you could be—and in the process, heal parts of yourself you didn't know needed healing to build a more fulfilling and lasting relationship with your children, family, and loved ones.
