Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy
🟢 CSR-2: Suitable for Most Children, Some Hard Topics
⚠CW: 🧠 Mental Health (anxiety, self-doubt), 👩👩👧👦 Parenting Stress
✔ While not intended for children, the content is family-focused, emotionally supportive, and without any explicit material. It explores deeper themes like emotional neglect, childhood trauma, and parenting challenges, all in a therapeutic and healing context.
📖 Introduction & Why This Book Matters
Dr. Becky Kennedy, clinical psychologist turned parenting icon, brings the same compassionate-yet-boundaried tone she's known for online into the pages of Good Inside. The book is more than a parenting manual—it's a framework for emotional healing, connection, and personal growth.
Why does it matter? Because Good Inside offers a path for parents to break generational cycles of shame, coercion, and emotional dismissal. In doing so, it also offers a profound invitation: to reparent yourself while you parent your child.
At its core, the book asserts that every human is inherently good inside, even when behavior says otherwise. This belief—radical in a world obsessed with discipline and perfection—becomes the foundation for how we nurture our kids and learn to nurture ourselves.
🌟 My Top Personal Takeaways
Emotional Insight Is Just As Transformative As Parenting Advice I didn't just read this book as a parent—I read it as a human being with my own childhood experience. Dr. Becky's insights on how childhood influences adult behavior resonated with me, providing tools for both parenting and parent healing. The realization that emotional regulation and empathy are skills we struggle to model because many of us never learned them? Game-changing.
Feeling Seen Is a Prerequisite for Real Connection The line "connection isn't possible when someone feels unseen" stuck with me for good reason. It reframed how I think about conflict, regulation, and behavior—both in myself and my child. Instead of trying to fix the moment, I now prioritize seeing the person inside it.
Shifting from "Correct and Control" to "Connect and Contain" Boundaries still matter, but they now come with a deeper sense of purpose. I'm no longer trying to control behavior through discipline alone—I'm aiming to co-regulate, to repair, and to contain big emotions without becoming overwhelmed by them. That shift feels both empowering and relieving.
Multiplicity Is a Superpower—and a New Parenting Compass The idea that mental health means holding multiple truths at once has become a guiding philosophy. I'm quicker to check whether I'm in "convincing mode" or "understanding mode," and that awareness has not only helped my parenting—it's strengthened my relationships and sense of self.
This Book Isn't Optional—It's a Lifeline for Breaking Cycles I would hand this book to every parent, especially those trying to parent differently than they were parented. Because it's not about being perfect—it's about being present, intentional, and willing to do the work.
💡 Key Insights & Practical Wisdom
Connection Is Not Possible When You Feel Unseen or Unheard At its root, all misbehavior is a signal. A bid for connection. A response to disconnection. Kennedy makes it clear that the moment we feel unseen—either as kids or adults—our nervous system locks down, and empathy shuts off. Repair must come before redirection.
Understanding Mode vs. Convincing Mode: A Mental Framework A pivotal insight: Convincing mode says only one thing can be true—making the other person wrong. Understanding mode acknowledges that multiple truths can coexist. This mental flexibility, or "multiplicity," is key to psychological health and compassionate parenting. "Which mode are you in?" becomes a powerful self-check that transformed my approach to conflicts.
Parents as the Sturdy Container Our job isn't to fix or avoid our kids' hard emotions—it's to contain them. To show our children that their feelings aren't too much, too scary, or too shameful. When we regulate ourselves, we co-regulate them. Boundaries + empathy = safety. This realization freed me from the pressure to make everything "better" and instead focus on being emotionally present.
If You Don't Repair, Kids Internalize Blame When meltdowns happen (as they do), what matters most is the repair. Without it, children are left alone to explain what happened—and they usually do this through the lens of self-blame or self-doubt. One of the most quietly revolutionary arguments Kennedy makes is that repair, not perfection, is the real gold standard.
Whining Is a Bid for Help, Not a Behavior to Fix Whining is one of the most triggering behaviors for parents—and Kennedy argues that's because many of us weren't allowed to be needy as children. Her strategy? Silly play. Connection. Validation. Be the sturdy pilot. Let them "spill out" the feelings so they don't have to bottle them in. This insight helped me respond with empathy rather than frustration.
"A Lie Is a Wish" Children lie to protect their attachment. When they feel guilt or shame, lying becomes a fantasy—a way to stay connected to the adult they fear might turn away. What if we treated lies not as defiance, but as a cry for closeness? This reframing changed how I respond to dishonesty.
Practical Magic: Fill-Up Games, Emotional Vaccinations, Dry Runs
Fill-up game: Offer love and connection before you need to "withdraw" goodwill (like at daycare drop-off).
Emotional vaccination: Prep kids for tough situations by naming what feelings may come up.
Dry runs: Practice tricky moments (like transitions or apologies) when no real pressure is on the line.
These simple techniques have become daily practices in our home, creating smoother transitions and deeper connections.
Growth Mindset in Action Kennedy offers family mantras that have become part of our daily language:
"This feels hard because it is hard."
"Not knowing sits next to something new."
"Sticking with something hard makes our brains grow."
She reframes frustration as a sign of learning, not failure—a perspective that's liberating for both parents and children.
Food Boundaries Done Right A small but mighty role clarification: Parents decide what to serve, when to eat, and where food is offered. Children decide whether and how much to eat. It's respectful, clear, and rooted in trust—not control. This approach has transformed our family mealtimes from battlegrounds to connection points.
Confidence Is Acting in Alignment with Your Values, Even When You Feel Unsure One of the most empowering redefinitions of confidence I've encountered. It's not bravado—it's integrity, even in uncertainty. Kennedy models this not only for parenting but for life, and it's changed how I understand my own worth.
🤯 The Most Unexpected Insight
The idea that learning requires discomfort hit me like a brick—but in a good way. Kennedy argues that the goal isn't to make life "easy" for our kids. It's to help them build a tolerance for challenge and stay regulated enough to persevere. Learning is supposed to be frustrating. That's not a flaw—it's the feature. This insight shifted my entire approach to supporting my child through difficulties.
🏛️ How This Book Applies to Real Life
Who should read Good Inside?
Parents, obviously—but also teachers, caregivers, therapists, and anyone doing inner child work.
Anyone who has ever felt "too much" or "not enough."
Anyone trying to break a cycle of shame, punishment, or emotional disconnection.
Beyond practical parenting tools, this book is a healing text. It reminds us that we don't need to be perfect, just present. And that presence—paired with boundaries and belief in our child's goodness—can change everything.
As someone actively working to parent differently than I was parented, this book felt like finding a map when I'd been wandering without one. It validated my instincts while giving me concrete strategies to put my values into practice.
📌 Memorable Quotes
"A lie is a wish."
"This feels hard because it is hard."
"Our ability to experience many seemingly oppositional thoughts at once is key to our mental health."
"You don't have to understand your child's feeling to believe them."
"I believe you. Thanks for telling me. I'm glad we're talking about this."
📚 Final Rating: Eye-Level Shelf Worthy
🎯 Should you read it? Absolutely yes. Whether you're parenting a toddler or reparenting yourself, Good Inside is both a toolbox and a lifeline. While not quite as worldview-shattering as a "Front & Center" title, it's a book that earns its place on your shelf and in your emotional toolkit.
🔥 Final Thought: Good Inside won't give you scripts to control your child—it'll help you understand them, connect with them, and most importantly, believe in them. In doing so, you might just learn to believe in yourself too. For me, it wasn't just a parenting book—it was permission to heal myself while raising a more emotionally whole child. For me, it wasn't just a parenting book—it was permission to heal myself while raising a more emotionally whole child.
